Monday, May 4, 2009

Accessorizing childbirth

This is almost as bad as fake bangs for your infant:


Included:
1) Dress (taking "hospital gowns" way too literally)
2) Headband (accessories create memories!)
3) Sheer gloss & mirror (vanity is always applicable)
4) Lemon-scented wipes (to whisk away the first hint of placenta)
5) Massage oil (apparently this may be useful)

Not included:
1) Pushing Push-Up Bra - As if your hormones haven't made them big enough, now there's a bra that give s new meaning to "Push!" let the world know that your newly enhanced titties are not just for feeding your young - they're ornamental, too!
2) C-Section Stilettos - Balance and comfort are secondary to a firm ass when you're hustling to the delivery room. Just because you're pushing a human being out of your vagina doesn't mean that you have to give up your Manolos!

h/t to Miriam at Feministing

4 comments:

  1. Well, as a person who's been through Labor and Delivery twice (once a surgical removal of baby, once a very empowering vaginal birth) I can tell you these things are actually not all that ridiculous.

    1) Dress - many mothers find the hospital gowns totally humiliating and dehumanizing, so we choose to bring our own apparel to keep our autonomy.
    2) Headband - you have never, ever sweated until you're in labor. NEVER. You may as well have your entire head under water. And hair in your face will drive you to the point of insanity. This is completely utilitarian.
    3) Sheer gloss & mirror - okay, this one might seems stupid, but people ARE going to be taking a million pictures, and would you rather be commemorated looking like a train wreck, or looking a little fresh (neither answer is bad, totally personal choice to care or not.)
    4) Lemon-scented wipes - lemon scented wipes help quell the nausea caused during transition. I soaked my room in lemon scented Earth Mama Angel Baby "Happy Mama Spray" to sooth and calm me the last few centimeters.
    5) Massage oil - absolutely 1000% necessary to massage the perineum with oil to help prevent tearing and burning. Oil can mean the difference between no tearing, and needing 10 stitches.

    So there you have it. Not oppressive at all, unless you call helping women stay safe and intact oppressive.

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  2. Good points, but I hold that the framing is problematic.

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  3. You may not want to answer me, but I really do want to know why you find this kit "problematic?"

    Is the problem that it comes in pastel packaging? So does the Diva Cup, but I don't see any feminists getting mad about that. There's no reason to put everything in black and white packaging. Women feel disgusting enough during childbirth - no need to strip away every last sense of their femininity.

    I also want to point out a glaring problem with this part:

    "2) C-Section Stilettos - Balance and comfort are secondary to a firm ass when you're hustling to the delivery room. Just because you're pushing a human being out of your vagina doesn't mean that you have to give up your Manolos!"

    You do know that, during a c-section, the baby does NOT come out of the vagina, right? The baby comes out through a hole created in your abdomen by major surgery which you may or not be concious for. There is no vagina involved, whatsoever, and there is no "hustling" or walking, or even sitting upright.

    I really want you to keep exploring these issues, but as a responsible feminist I really need you to know what you're talking about first. Passing out bad information and shaming women for a kit that is not only completely utilitarian, but also keeps their bodies safe and autonomous, is dangerous in my opinion. I'm sure young girls read your site, and this isn't really helping our cause. This sends the wrong message.

    The fact is, this kit is not marketed at your demographic, and since you have never been in the position of needing something like this, you don't get it.

    This is like a man complaining about the packaging of the Diva Cup of Luna pads.

    ReplyDelete

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