Monday, October 5, 2009
Hello, I’m RMJ.
If you’re reading this, you probably are already familiar with this blog, and subscribe in some form – Reader, Twitter, etc. My sources indicate that you have grown in number since I decided to take a break about a month ago – if you’re new, welcome and thanks for reading, and for your patience in new content. And you’re probably wondering where I’ve been.
I don’t have a dramatic answer, or an apology. I had to take care of some stuff, and adjust some strappings. When I began this blog, I was not working full-time. I work in education, so summers are slow – particularly in August, when my traffic accelerated dramatically.
Finding an audience was thrilling and humbling and delightful. However, it was also stressful. OCD symptoms also began to return in ways major and minor, largely because I was afraid of disappointing and failing my audience (which I will, inevitably, do at some point). Good people fuck up, often, and I began to become obsessed about the ways in which I may and probably will weaponize my privilege and hurt people. I’m a perfectionist, and growing attention means increased probabilities of my fuckups. This is good – means that I will keep learning – but it’s also scary. I was worked up and had trouble functioning.
So, I had to calm down before I did too much damage to myself or the people in my life.
Since I was working 40 hours a week on this blog due to said educational-system gap, I was also broke at the end of August. New semester means a new schedule, and I needed time to adjust to that and a new job. I’m all caught up now, mostly from working 90 hours in one week (I was compensated generously, don’t you worry).
How am I doing now?
Much better, thanks! I’ve got my schedule about fixed, my mind’s in much better shape, I’m out of the house twice a week, and I just feel refreshed. I know I’m back because I’m losing sleep planning blog entries.
No apologies. I needed this break, and I plan on more in the future. But thank you for sticking around.
Check back later for a post on what you can expect in the near future.